Top 5 “What Not To Buy Your Geek” List
Posted on Dec 15th, 2008 at 2:53 pm by Megan in Clothing
Christmas time once again and Jingle Bells are ringing across the internet as page after page of “What To Get Your Geek” and “1,000,000 Best Geek Presents” spring up faster than your boss under the mistletoe during the Christmas party.
“Best of” lists are boring. Period. Why talk about how fabulous things are when there are so many negatives to point out? I’m feeling a little Grinchy, so I’ve taken it upon myself to be the Bah Humbug this year.
Ladies and Gentleman, Geeks and lovers of Geeks, I proudly present to you
The Top 5 What Not to Buy Your Geek (And Why) List
5.) Blonde Keyboard Our country is moving forward at rapid speed. We are making progress in political correctness that didn’t seem possible sixty, twenty-five, even ten years ago. So stereotypes are gone, right? Think again. Allow me to present the Keyboard For Blondes:
(Click to enlarge)
For $50.00, you too can offend the fair-haired geek you know and love. It comes complete with a “The BIG One: I need my Space” Space key and a “Yes! I Want It!” Enter key. Don’t forget, the L key means LOL (laugh out loud), the O OMG (Oh My God), and the N means of course NBF (new boy friend.). The command keys are labeled useless and the numbers are assigned their corresponding dice image, in case you might forget what the number 5 really means.
I wish I were joking.
4.) The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. While having everyone’s favorite chick geek Alexis Bledel from Gilmore Girls might make it seem like this would be a good flick for your geek, don’t let yourself be fooled. There has to be some magical formula for how those crazy pants fit all of those best girlfriends so well! Yet, somehow, I doubt very much your geek will have any interest in figuring it out and will only erm… rise in excitement when he sees the super pretty Blake Lively as Bridget. The tagline reads “Laugh, Cry, Share the Pants.” Keep them to yourself, please. I don’t share well with others.
3.) The Blackberry Storm It may seem surprising that the newest CrackBerry made the list of what not to buy. After all, those commercials seem so informative, and the voiceover seems to be speaking directly to me! A closer look reveals a little more, however. The new touch screen blackberry is advanced, true. But there are still a lot of bugs to work out. There’s no WiFi, the machine itself is bulky and heavy. The size greatly limits typing speed and the small keyboard leads to lots of errors. At nearly $200 and having to sign a 2-year contract with the Verizon devil, there are just still way too many bugs. I have no doubt they will eventually get worked out and the price will drop, but definitely not in time for Christmas. Until it happens, stick with your IPhone.
2.) Britney Spears – The Circus Enough said.
1.) Rubber Band Gatling Gun Bring on the flash-backs of high school bullies. This “toy” gun can hold over 100 rubber bands, making it rain down torture and pain. Geeks, I believe a permit should be in order before being allowed to use such a device. Plus, it’ll cost you about $400, so you better have saved up if you wish to purchase your geek that bit of revenge he’s been plotting since graduation day. While your geek may just love this gift, I can assure you as the girlfriend/mom/friend, it will be you who regrets it. Can you feel the burning welts raising on your arm? Think hard.
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Nice writing style-who was your English teacher?