True Blood vs Twilight – Bill Compton Could Kick Edward’s Ass
Posted on Jun 25th, 2010 at 2:56 pm by Megan in Misc Geek Stuff
Vampires have become what superheroes were a few years ago – the ideal fantasy and a wet dream for girls from ages ten to seventy. True Blood is back for its third season and the third Twilight series premiers in Los Angeles tonight. Coincidence? I doubt it. Milk that cash cow, bitches! I have sort of mixed feelings on the craze and what kind of blogger would I be to not share my thoughts?
True Blood is to television what porn is to DVDs. I’m not sure exactly what that means but I do think it sounds good. Bill Compton and Eric Northman are just sex personified and have brought the good ole hicky to a whole new level. The show can’t last five minutes without showing boobies (Sookie has one hell of a rack, eh?!) or butt or some form of fornication. I’m in love with Lafayette, the far-from-token gay guy who doubles as a drug dealer. The soundtrack kicks ass and helps showcase the dark, twisted sense of humor that’s so subtle in the show. I’m not a big fan of the Twilight-esque muscley werewolves that have recently been added. I know, the books came first and yadda yadda but it just seems all to familiar. The show prides itself on being unique and this seems to take some of that away. I’m willing to forgive that, though. Have you seen how fast those vampires thrust?? I can’t even dream of the amount of orgasms I could have with one of those fang toting, pale skinned hotties!
To be honest, I haven’t seen any more than fifteen minutes of the Twilight saga. A friend explained to me once that the entire movie (at least the first one) is a thinly veiled sermon in abstinence. And seeing as I’ve never really been a fan of abstinence in any form, I’ve been unable to get into the series. While I do agree that the sweet little wolf boy is adorable and wouldn’t mind running my tongue down his chisled tummy (I’m sorry, Scotty. But really, look at him.) , his character seems so pitiful and if I have to hear one more interview about his workout regime, I’m going to gag in my mouth. That girl is just beyond depressing and Edward Cullen needs a cheeseburger and a new conditioner. I’m sure thousands of pre-teen girls with ear-shattering screams will tell me how wrong I am, but I think I’ll be able to live with that.
So there’s my synopsis and opinions on two of the hottest media crazes to hit pop culture in my generation. All that aside, I’ve been thinking/daydreaming/fantasizing and I think there would be some real perks to getting down and dirty with a vamp.
- Not a morning person? No worries, your night owl will never have to see you groggy and before coffee.
- Your current love gets all grossed out during that time of the month? A thing of the past with your vampire beau. He may even request to have you sit on his face and who can complain about that!
- Oh yeah, if they thrust that fast… imagine how fast their tongue can move!
- Who can be in a bad mood around a dude that sparkles?
I’m sure that there are more, but I’m also sure I’ve managed to offend everyone who reads this blog in one way or another. I’m sorry readers. Kinda. I’m off to go fantasize about Bill Compton’s sweet accent and grey skin…
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That’s pretty freakin hilarious.